Family Fight!

Sometimes I really want to find another job. You wouldn’t expect to hear me say that, I know. How could the host of Australia’s uber-popular Family Fight not like his job? The thing is, you guys only see the good stuff. The very best of what we film. You get to see the epic, edge-of-your-seat moments when one family needs to get an answer right to avoid the caged tournament against the other family’s pet bear. It’s entertaining viewing, but what you don’t see is the thousands of episodes we film where absolutely nothing interesting happens.

Sorry, we just had a bad day on set, so I need to rant a little. Let me tell you a bit about an episode that is never going to be aired. We had the Smith family and the McGills against them. If I had a dollar for every Smith family we had on this show, I’d be a rich man. Anyway, everything started going wrong with the first round. We were going through the motions. We asked one hundred people this question, blah, blah, blah. The question was “Where might you find glass balustrades for Melbourne homes?”

Immediately Perry Smith slapped his buzzer and shouted his answer. “The moon!” Right then, I knew it was going to be a long night. The moon? You’d find a glass balustrade for use in Melbourne on the moon? This Perry guy was not too bright. Even if he meant Moon Land, the amusement park in Melbourne, that’s a terrible answer. What a dangerous place to put glass balustrades.

The next answer wasn’t much better. Teresa McGill had a shot next, and she said, “Wherever you get glass replacement.” I actually wanted to die when she uttered those words. Have you ever even watched Family Fight? That is never going to be an answer on the show. So yeah, that’s what I have to go through that you at home don’t get to see. The only consolation was that neither family guessed any answers right, so we had to go to Sudden Death, and thankfully there were no survivors. We only resort to Sudden Death in a desperate attempt to make the episode watchable, but let’s be honest, nothing could save this dumpster fire.