Category: Uncategorised

Great, so first I miss out on Doctor Muller, the greatest alternative medical specialist the world has ever known, and now I’m told that I’m too old for a play centre birthday party. When did society’s ageism get so disgustingly pronounced that a grown man of 26 cannot be allowed onto climbing frames that are built for far, far younger people? I just want to climb! I want to dive in a ball pit and relive my youth!

This is Class-A discrimination, and I don’t even know if discrimination as classes, but if it is, it’s class A. It does NOT help that the birthday party venues in Bundoora are just so darn enticing. I had to take my niece to one the other day because my brother and my sister-in-law just had to come down with a bout of armadillo flu…and okay, that was harsh. We may have eradicated armadillo flu deaths almost entirely since the dawn of the 21st century, but it’s still a major killer in third-world countries.

But they got the flu, I took Hattie to this awesome birthday party venue, and what did I do? I sat there making small talk with the parents, and not even the good kind of small talk. Because apparently it’d be ‘weird’ if I went and dived down the elephant slide headfirst alongside all the other party goers.

Class-A. I’m going to go home today and research if that’s a real thing, and after that, I’m going to find a birthday party venue that has climbing frames that can support the weight of a fully-grown man, because I have need to be met, and those needs involve climbing frames and pretending that I’m a space pirate explorer.

And if I did manage to hire out a kids party venue near Bundoora, it’d be an adults-only party, for safety and all that. But…oh. Wait, does that make ME ageist? What have I become…?

-Seph

I had managed to do a quick tidy up of the house and get it looking decent before the technicians arrived to fix the central heating. Melbourne had been pretty mild for winter, it wasn’t like I was shivering through the nights. That being said I like to be comfortable, and so it’s not unreasonable to expect a warm home. I had been struggling to cope with the cold all week, and had become very lazy during the coldest time of the year. It just wasn’t worth going out to brave the cold.

There was food scraps lying all over my kitchen bench and my clothing all over the floor. I’d attempted to make a taco earlier in the day, instead creating a huge mess all over the kitchen. I’d started adding layers of clothing wherever I was too cold. The gas heater had been broken for months and I had only just recently gotten around to calling a gas heating repairs company in Melbourne. I couldn’t let the technician in with the place looking like a mess. I had more self respect than that.

There was no way I’d be able to cope with another week of cold. If the technicians couldn’t fix my central heating, I had considered becoming unemployed for the Winter and spending all my days in a warm bath. It wouldn’t have been the smartest move, but I would be a lot more comfortable!

When the heater technician arrived and I showed him in. I was going to offer him a drink or start up some small talk, but I just couldn’t be bothered. Like I said earlier, my brain wasn’t functioning properly in the cold. I wanted the guy to get to work right away and fix my heater. That thing had to be blasting out warm air before the end of the day or I would be holding him hostage. Well, maybe I wouldn’t go quite that far, but I was desperate for a working gas heater!